Look UP!

When things are tough and storm clouds block the sun.
When too much thinking is sending you in circles and you feel dizzy.
When memories of Egypt make you sick.
When the future is vague and decision making is daunting.
When life seems vain, heavy, pointless or just plain hard.
When you've forgotten why you're here and where you're supposed to be going.
When you know the destination but somehow you've lost the way.
When the way seems too steep or is covered in fog.

Where do you look?

Self help books, psychologists, friends, hugs, stories, inspiring quotes ... these are the tools of our world, and we hope they'll help us make sense of confusion, depression, anxiety, fear.

Danger!  Be careful where you look!

Don't look back ... blame, regret, shame, guilt ... a futile archaeological dig through the past
Don't look forward ... ambition, striving, anxiety, dread

Don't look in ... analysing, over-thinking, worrying, feeling inadequate

Don't look out ... searching for an easy fix, Knight in shining armour, mirage, million$

Don't look around ... comparing, coveting, fearing, judging, wishing
Don't look away ... avoiding, procrastinating, escaping, wasting life

LOOK UP ... to the Lord who knows you better than you know yourself!

Psalm 121: 1-2 "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.  My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth."

A story ... I was always very good at getting muddled up in reflection and introspection, and thought myself into confusion and condemnation.  That's how I know about the traps involved in looking back, forward, in, out, around and away!

When I didn't feel worthy, no amount of praise from others made me feel like I was 'enough'.  Thankfully the Lord showed me a better way.  A year or two ago when everything should have been rosy, I was still quite bothered by ups and downs.  One day when I found myself in a deep, dark hole of seasonal depression, I went to bed to pour my heavy heartedness onto the pages of my journal.  I felt guilty, knowing I was focusing on myself, but I grumpily thought, "I don't even feel strong enough to pray or read my Bible!"  

The Lord nudged me though, with a gentle reminder, "Here I am" ... feeling somewhat petulant, I decided I would just open my Bible before writing in my journal.  

With that simple act, a switch was flicked!  The darkness was fading.  Momentarily I was frustrated that I wouldn't be able to capture the blackness in words ... but quickly I tossed aside that silly thought, and realised it was a blessing.  The Lord had thrown me a lifeline and a torch!  

The Lord showed me then that my mind can be a trap, tangling me in lies, but in His Words I have truth and freedom, assurance, and the peace that passes understanding.  That day, I searched out His promises in my Bible.  I stopped sulking and prayed even though it was hard to start.  And I took comfort in verses like this gem:  Galatians 2:20  "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

He has planted this experience in my memory now, like a nifty short-circuit.  If I feel things crowding in, I KNOW that if I just look at Him, He will do the rest.  He will give me rest.

Psalm 121: 1-2 "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.  My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth."

Healed at camp

We're back from Christmas camp, which was amazing!  It always is, but this time I was doubly blessed.

It seems like ancient history now, but if I think hard I can remember the debilitating exhaustion, crazy hormones, roller-coaster moods and food intolerances.  If I ate bread (or anything containing much gluten) I needed a sleep to recover.  If I had more than a hint of any dairy product, I had awful pains and felt very unwell.  It was very real.

Going to a fully catered camp, I had a choice ... do I put those food intolerances on the form (there was provision for this, and others wisely did so), or do I hand it over to the Lord?

I decided to trust the Lord to provide whatever I needed.  Partly because I didn't want to 'own' this disease, and be owned by it, spending all my time worrying about what I should or shouldn't eat yet still expecting to feel tired, moody and sick.  Mostly, because I wanted God to have the glory, rather than draw attention to my needs.  The worst case scenario would be I'd feel sick, and would ask the other campers (all Spirit-filled Christians) to pray for me.  A win-win situation.  Perhaps I was too tired from being unwell for so long, that I didn't waste my energy worrying about "what if".

So, I ate the meals provided.  Cheesy lasagne, daily bacon and eggs on toast, salad wraps, pudding and icecream, potato bake, apple strudel, pancakes, chocolate.  Yum!  And not once did I feel sick!!  I had abundant energy and was able to just get on with all there was to do.  Prayer meetings, kids activities, concert nights, board games, beach afternoons, tennis, morning meetings (we studied Hebrews 6), just chatting, sharing our time and testimonies.  It was a relaxing, refreshing week.

I must admit, camp was easier once I stopped trying to get the kids to sleep at a reasonable hour ... that's hard enough even at home.  Hour long audio books and peaceful music just couldn't compete with their excitement, the distraction of hearing kids scootering past, and their determination not to miss anything.  The last few nights of camp the kids stayed awake until 11 or 12pm, playing cards or jumping on the trampoline.  A few power-naps in the car (on short trips to the shop or a good fishing spot) helped restore their (and therefore, our) sanity!

My health started to improve the week before Christmas, about the time I handed the problem over the the Lord and decided to go with the flow.  I can't imagine how I would have managed to enjoy the family gatherings and prepare for camp otherwise (even with Pete's help ... and he is amazingly helpful!)  Since returning home I have continued to feel fine, only feeling the way anyone would after eating too much (we had family gatherings this week involving pizza one day, hamburgers and chips the next ... and those hot, crunchy chips were way too good!)  I still prefer fruit, stir fries, rice and water, but it's terrific to be free to choose them.

Whether my healing is complete, or was a temporary reprieve to allow us to enjoy a special time of fellowship and family, I don't know.  I am just so thankful, and glad to be able to share this testimony of how good God is.  At our Revival Fellowship meetings, there are opportunities for people to share testimonies, about salvation, or of God working in our lives.  At the end of camp when I shared this testimony, the cook (a good friend) said "Ah, so that's why you looked warily at the food I was serving!"

Life back home is crazier than ever.  Pete has done at least 10 loads of washing since camp!  We've assembled a trampoline, basketball hoop and lots of Lego kits.  Elijah's been sick but seems better today.  Jasi's had her share of dramas too, she's a delight but very challenging!  We may be going away again this week.  As for home ed., there are still decisions to be made and plans to tweak.  I don't know what the year will look like yet, but I'm excited about the possibilities.

Can you tell I'm thrilled to have abundant energy again?!?  Praise the Lord!